If you’re an Arkansan or sports fan, you’re probably aware that Arkansas Razorback head coach, Bobby Petrino, was fired last night for a series of lies, deceptions and an inappropriate relationship with a 25-year-old woman on his staff. This was brought to light by a motorcycle accident he had last week. While most of the country has paid little attention to this, it has had a profound impact on Arkansas – sports fanatics and the indifferent alike. For Petrino is probably the most high profile public figure in all of Arkansas. His face is more recognizable than the governor’s.
The past several days have evoked strong responses from people all over the state. Many heatedly debated whether or not he should be fired. Staunch defenders supported him using phrases like “don’t be judgmental” or “we need to forgive, forget and win” while others have called for his head on a platter. Regardless of one’s view of the events, this has become a reminder that we live in a fallen, broken world with messed up priorities. It also offers those of us who mentor and influence teens an opportunity to speak truth into lives in a relevant, meaningful ways.
Parents, coaches, teachers, mentors, student pastors have the chance to engage students on important topics. That’s the purpose of this blog. It’s not to debate the events that happened. Instead, it’s to offer ideas of how to engage our students and children about topics that are important. Some of my ideas come from a friend who’s a coach and dad whom I respect greatly. Some are my own. But here are some things to consider talking to your teen about:
1) Winning isn’t everything and certainly not the only thing.
In a culture driven by bottom lines, success, GPAs, wins and losses, it’s all too easy to look past more important things such as integrity, honesty and hard work. As a teacher, I dealt with cheating among students – some of the worst were students who felt the pressure to make good grades. I had more respect for the student who handed me an incomplete assignment taking the bad grade and saying, “I just didn’t do it” than I did for the one who copied the assignment from someone the period before. The grade on the exam became more important than the learning process. I think Jesus’ words to the rich young ruler are important here – “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” In other words, success isn’t worth missing out on the bigger story.
2) The importance of making wise choices
Never underestimate the impact our decisions will have on others. The idea that “It’s my life. Why should it matter to anyone else” is a lie from Satan. The truth is our decisions, even small ones, can have impacts on others. My friend said it well: “It takes great maturity to make sound decisions and you can’t always make those decisions based on how you feel but rather on what you know.” We need to emphasize to our children the importance of decision-making. Isn’t that the entire theme of the Proverbs? The Proverbs say it best:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight
One of the core truths in our children’s ministry that we want every child to grasp by the time the enter our student ministry is this – “I need to make the wise choice.” This requires constant guidance, teaching and nurturing in our teenagers.
3) The importance of telling the truth
My friend says, “We lie because we think no one will find out, allowing us to continue living in the dark. But lies have a way of finding the light of day. And when they do, they destroy trust, which takes a long time to rebuild and often times never gets rebuilt.”
What has happened these past few days presents tremendous opportunities to discuss lying and the importance of being honest. This is nothing new. Parents want to teach their children the importance of being honest from the moment they are born. Many of us work hard at this. Yet, lying is one of the most universal struggles. The events of the past several days provide tremendous leverage for parents to emphasize the value of being honest.
4) Grace and forgiveness do not mean there are no consequences and accountability
It seems there’s great confusion about grace, forgiveness and accountability. We champion second chances and forgiveness and forgetting; yet, we confuse providing consequences as being judgmental. Phrases like, “Who am I to judge,” or “We need to forgive, forget and win” reveal this confusion. Providing consequences and accountability are acts of grace, for they are designed to lead one to the realization of the impact of their choices, mold character, and point someone in the right direction. James 5:19-20 puts it like this:
“My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins.”
One can only grow and learn from bad choices with appropriate consequences. It’s foolish to assume one learns from own mistakes without consequences. That’s the purpose of discipline. This requires accountability. This is the challenge of discipline for any parent. This is a difficult lesson to teach students in a culture that seems to undervalue accountability and discipline. This, perhaps, is the most countercultural and difficult of lessons to teach our children.
We don’t need moments like this to teach our children important lessons about life and faith. But they present opportunities to engage our students and children in things they are talking about.
What are some ways you engage your students and children? What are some lessons you’d hope your children or teens could learn from such events?
